Being a Good Sport

: Tracy Beckerman on Sep 22, 2026

"It's tennis elbow," my doctor said matter-of-factly.

"That's impossible," I responded, massaging my sore elbow. "I don't play tennis."

She sighed. "It's just called that because it's a repetitive injury that is commonly seen in tennis players."

"Well, the only thing I do repetitively with that arm is change the channel with my remote. In fact," I continued, "I think you're pulling my leg."

"I'm not," she assured me. "Look it up."

"Speaking of legs," I continued, "I've also been having a problem with my knee."

She poked and prodded my knee in a bunch of different places and turned it in a few different directions.

"It's golfer's knee," she declared.

"OH, COME ON!" I shouted. "Now you're just messing with me."

She shook her head and giggled. "I swear, I'm not. You have tennis elbow and golfer's knee." She paused. "Anything else?"

I was reticent to mention any other thing, but seeing as I only get one doctor appointment a year, I thought I might as well lay it all out there.

"Well, I do have an ache in my ear," I admitted. She peered in my ear with one of her doctor periscope-y things and snorted.

"What?" I demanded.

"You have swimmer's ear," she announced, laughing out loud.

"NO WAY!"

"Do you do a lot of swimming?" she asked.

"None."

"Do you wear headphones a lot?"

"Yes," I admitted.

"It could be from that," she said.

"Then why don't they call it "headphone ear'?" I demanded.

"Because most people get it from swimming," she replied.

I thought about the fact that while I do exercise somewhat regularly at the gym, I'm not nearly enough of an athlete to have three sports-related injuries, especially when they're sports I don't actually even play. At this point I was afraid to point out any other aches and pains for fear that she might tell me my occasional headaches were football concussions and the stiffness in my shoulder was from playing ice hockey, or possibly from my amateur shot-put hobby -- not to mention the backaches I probably got from competing in luge. There was a chance, given all my inactivity, that I might actually set a Guinness World Record for most sports-related injuries without actually playing any sports.

Clearly none of this made sense. If she said I had "bed-making back" or "dish-washing wrist" or "food shopping shoulder," THAT would make sense. On the subject of repetitive use injuries, it was altogether possible that I could have Facebook finger. At the very least, I knew I probably had email eyestrain from trying to read tiny little emails on my cellphone.

While I got dressed, she started writing me prescriptions for physical therapy for my elbow, an MRI for my knee, and drops for my ear. She also ordered up routine blood work, a cholesterol check and a colonoscopy just for fun. As she tore one page after another off her prescription pad, I felt myself start to get woozy.

"Actually, I'm suddenly not feeling so well," I said.

"What's up?" she asked.

"I think I feel an insurance headache coming on."

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Tracy Beckerman is the author of the Amazon Bestseller, "Barking at the Moon: A Story of Life, Love, and Kibble," available on Amazon and Barnes and Noble online! You can visit her at www.tracybeckerman.com.

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