- Your wedding invitations say "Same time, same place."

- You park in handicapped spaces based on your SAT score.

- You list dogs as dependants on your tax forms.

- Your taxidermist also does your taxes.

- You love lard sandwiches.

- You've ever let your dog babysit your kids.

- Your security system is the latch on your screen door.

- Most of your prayers involve winning a sporting event.

- You've ever caught bugs just so you could throw them at your bug zapper.

- Your financial planner told you to buy lottery tickets.

- The flowers in your bridal bouquet were plastic.

- There are more things growing in your refrigerator than in your yard.

- Your favorite restaurant has sawdust on the floor.

- You've ever left a bingo game in handcuffs.

- Your favorite recipe includes Vienna sausages.

- You've ever put a race car on a prayer list.

- You've ever had a dream about beef jerky.

- You've used a barstool as a walker.

- You're driving a vehicle that has no original body parts.

- You flush the toilet and the dog thinks you're giving him fresh water.

- You think your dashboard is the best pace to keep your hats.