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Reginald Knowles, Britain's worst goalkeeper, failed to end his life today. He threw himself in front of a bus and missed.

What do you get if you cross a kangeroo and a sheep? A wooly jumper.

What do you get if you cross a waitress with a chicken? A hen that lays tables.

 

The landlady asked me if I minded making my own bed. I said I didn't and she said great there's a hammer and nails in the corner.

 

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