In an ancient monastery, a new monk arrived to dedicate his life to God and to join the others copying ancient records. The first thing he noticed was that they were copying by hand books that had already been copied by hand.

He had to speak up. "Forgive me, Father Justinian, but copying other copies by hand allows many chances for error. How ...Read more

Rule #1. Life is not fair. Get used to it. The average teenager uses the phrase "it's not fair" 8.6 times a day. You got it from your parents, who said it so often you decided they must be the most idealistic generation ever. When they started hearing it from their own kids, they realized Rule #1.

Rule #2. The real world won't care as much ...Read more

Lawyers get a lot of unjust criticism. I would remind you that it is not right to condemn a whole profession just because of 350,000 bad apples.

1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

2. Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.

3. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

4. ...Read more

"My mother wanted me to go to church to meet women. That's wrong, ain't it? 'Praise the Lord! Hey, how ya doing? Nice dress. Look, I'm going to go over there and get some of this wine and crackers, want some?'" --Warren Hutcherson

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"Krispy Kreme Doughnuts, everybody loves them. But I thought this was interesting on the box, "Konsult ...Read more

A woman walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch. "I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she said. "What's your secret for a long happy life?"

"I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day," he said. "I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise."

"That's amazing," the woman said. "How old ...Read more

How do you stop a werewolf chasing you?
Throw a stick and say fetch!

How do you know if two werewolves have been in the fridge?
Two pairs of paw prints in the butter!

What's Dracula's favourite coffee?
Decoffinated!

What do you get if you cross a werewolf and a frog?
A creature that can bite you from the other side of ...Read more

Why did the unwashed chicken cross the road twice?
Because he was a dirty double crosser!

What do you call a sleeping bull?
A bulldozer!

What has two legs and flies?
A pig!

What do you get if you cross a cow with an octopus?
A cow that can milk itself!

Q: What dog loves to take bubble baths?
A: A shampoodle!

Q: How do you catch a runaway dog?
A: Hide behind a tree and make a noise like a bone!

Q: What dogs are best for sending telegrams?
A: Wire haired terriers!!

Q: What kind of dog does a vampire prefer?
A: Any kind of bloodhound!

Q: What kind of dog sniffs out new...Read more

* I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

* He drove his expensive car into a tree and found out how the Mercedes bends.

* Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.

* A cardboard belt would be a waist of paper.

* He wears glasses during math because it improves division.

* Two peanuts were walking in a ...Read more