ArcaMax

No question about it -- you're really good at your job.

You're effective. You're efficient. You're all-around excellent. But are you cool? That's the question.

And who is asking the question?

Pretty much everyone at your job, if you believe "Don't Try to be 'Cool' at Work, Says Expert: How to Gain Influence in the Office Instead," a recent article by Megan Sauer in the "CNBC Make It" newsletter.

You're familiar with the concept of cool, of course. It pretty much obsessed you all through high school, where, no doubt, you could have emitted major vibes of coolness if your cheapskate parents had unzipped their wallets long enough to let you shop at Abercrombie and Juicy, instead of wearing your grandmother's hand-me-downs or shelled out a few samoleans for a Jeep Wrangler, instead of handing you the keys of the family's broken-down station wagon.

You're the person in charge of the purse now, of course. That means you can decide where to shop and what to drive. This would make it easy to buy yourself a major degree of coolitude if it wasn't for those uncool shards of reality, like mortgage payments and groceries.

But maybe this is for the best.

"Follow your passions and strengths," says leadership coach Henna Pryor, "not the path of a moving target of cool."

According to Pryor, an alternative to being cool is being "authentic." This is defined as "acting like yourself, without worrying about what others think of you." This sounds like a very bad idea, unless you want to spend your workdays knowing everyone who sees you immediately thinks -- Nerdburger.

(Upgrade to Pathetic Nerdburger with another piece of advice for the non-cool -- "asking for help or a favor from your co-workers." Unless the favor includes the loan of significant bank with very loose terms for repayment, I'd still go with cool.)

Considering the options to be the coolest kid in the conference room, I'll bet you're thinking what I'm thinking -- go for it. This raises another question. After years of Nerdburger existence, how do you know what is cool today?

It's easy. All you have to do is keep reading.

No. 1: Standing Up for Your Principles -- Not Cool

When it comes to making business decisions, there is a time to boldly follow your convictions, but that time is not now. Yes, you may feel a moment of gunslinger glory when you tell your boss their ideas won't work, but you could be wrong. Even worse, you could be right.

No. 2: Being a Spineless Wimp -- Totally Cool

People criticize AI systems for being sycophantic, but blind obedience and slathering sycophancy are exactly what management wants most. As you might have noticed, few companies are looking to spend budget-busting trillions of dollars to hire argumentative pains in the butt.

No. 3: Body Maxing -- Not Cool

Yes, you've cross-fitted and power-lifted your physique into a sweaty thing of beauty, but if you want to survive in today's economy, keep it buttoned up. Getting Bezosed or Zuckerberged may work for tech titans, but at your level, it's better to stick with what has always worked for you -- flab. Lots and lots of flab. Yes, looking kitten-weak and feeble is pathetic, but on you, it looks good.

No. 4: Going Chemical -- Maximum Cool

Lunch with co-workers? They can order from the menu. Cool guys and gals order from the pharmacy. Forget burgers and chicken fingers. Your main course is a melange of vitamin pills and protein potions with amino acids on the side. And don't skip dessert -- an Anabolic-Androgenic Steroid Souffle. If you're not taking six different peptides before breakfast, no one will think you're even the slightest bit cool.

No. 5: Being a Trendsetter -- Not Cool

You have a reputation for being a fashionista? A foodie? A Sheerio? Not cool. If you plan to survive past this pay period, you want to always be open to the next trend, not the last. It's OK to talk about music or restaurants or fashion, but make it clear that you don't like anything anyone else likes or has ever heard of. (Hint: mung beans. No one likes them, the food or the band.)

No. 6: Being Boring -- Ultimate Cool

Let's face it -- we're all nervous wrecks. Just because the economy hasn't crashed (yet) doesn't mean it won't (soon). If you want to be totally cool, be boring. When no one pays any attention to you, you seriously raise your chances of being ignored when job-cutting time comes around again, and what could be cooler than that?

========

Bob Goldman was an advertising executive at a Fortune 500 company. He offers a virtual shoulder to cry on at bob@bgplanning.com. To find out more about Bob Goldman and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

Copyright 2026 Creators Syndicate, Inc.