Parents - Sylvia Rimm On Raising Kids: Social Skills Can Be Learned

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Sylvia Rimm On Raising Kids: Social Skills Can Be Learned

Sylvia Rimm

Q. My husband and I are raising our two little nieces, ages 3 and 6. My son was raised by me for the first 14 years of his life and is doing great! My 6-year-old niece lost her daddy to jail (she was daddy's little girl), and her mom is a crack addict with bipolar disorder and paranoid schizophrenia. She abused her older daughter physically and emotionally till the courts finally had her evaluated! We were awarded full and permanent custody of both nieces. We're truly blessed to have them. Now I'm having a hard time helping the older daughter because she feels that no one likes her or will play with her at school. She's somewhat overweight. She's a great little girl, but often feels unloved. We try to reinforce our love for her! Can you please offer me better ways to help build her confidence? Our budget is next to nothing extra -- bills, food and clothes are all we can afford. I haven't found any programs in our area for her to participate in. Thank you for any advice you can offer me!

A. You have accepted an important challenge that will require plenty of love and patience. Children who have been abused suffer real trauma, but you are correct that your secure love can help your niece build confidence again. Because you are an experienced mother, you're even more likely to be able to be helpful. Adding the girls to your family may cause your son to feel some uncomfortable pressure, but I can expect you're already sensitive to that issue.

Your niece being overweight can be part of the cause of her social problems. Children can be cruel to overweight peers. That becomes even more difficult in the middle school years, so it would be great if you can help your niece eat healthfully and become physically active. Exercise alone can make a great difference in healthy weight during the growing years.

There are some wonderful social activities that can help your niece that don't involve much financial investment. Girl Scouts are excellent in helping girls build social and other skills. Sports teach girls teamwork as well as improving physical coordination and confidence. They may be available at school or could be sponsored by a recreation department. Religious youth groups can also be helpful for reinforcing both social and moral values. Sometimes communities have amateur drama groups that can help children build confidence and make friends. If your niece continues to struggle, you can contact the school counselor about her problems, and the counselor may provide social-skills groups or work with her individually on her skills and confidence. The school could also recommend other counseling services.

For information on raising girls with confidence, request newsletter about How Jane Won, See Jane Win®, or See Jane Win® for Girls, and for advice on overweight children, request the newsletter on Rescuing the Emotional Lives of Overweight Children. Send a large self-addressed, stamped envelope to P.O. Box 32, Watertown, WI, 53094, or go to www.seejanewin.com for more information.

Dr. Sylvia B. Rimm is the director of the Family Achievement Clinic in Cleveland, Ohio, a clinical professor of psychiatry and pediatrics at the Case Western Reserve University School of Medicine, and the author of many books on parenting. More information on raising kids is available at www.sylviarimm.com. Please send questions to: Sylvia B. Rimm on Raising Kids, P.O. Box 32, Watertown, WI 53094 or srimm@sylviarimm.com. To read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

This news arrived on: 07/23/2008

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