Jesus Christ Akbar!
It was a perfect story, as American as Dan'l Boone killin' a b'ar.
And it got better.
Interviewed by the paper I work for, the noble American store owner said he hadn't been afraid at all.
"God is my bodyguard," he told a reporter.
God is my bodyguard? What a phrase!
Glory! Glory! The guy fends off a robber with a piece of lumber, and then says he owes his fearlessness to God. You KNOW Pat Robertson gonna be drawlin' about that on his television show!
"God in his compassion saw this man's faith and gave him the strength to smite this godless ninja drug addict," is what Pat's gonna say.
Can I get an amen?
Sadly, you cannot get an amen, and Pat Robertson is gonna have to keep talkin' about how God wants all the gays to vanish in a flash of fire.
The store owner's first name is Ahmad.
Turns out the brave American small-scale capitalist is a Muslim. The picture in the paper showed him with his children and his wife, who was wearing the head scarf of their faith.
Guy's an immigrant, too. Syria. He told the reporter that, after what he lived through in Syria, he's not afraid of too much.
I feel bad for the guy. If it wasn't for his religion and his place of birth, he could have been a hero.
To find out more about Marc Munroe Dion and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit www.creators.com. Dion's latest book, "The Land of Trumpin," is a collection of his columns written during and just after the latest Christian, anti-immigrant, all-American election. It is available in paperback from Amazon.com, and for Nook, Kindle, iBooks and GooglePlay.