When did buying a stove become like buying a car?

After replacing our refrigerator, wall oven, dishwasher, furnace, hot water heater and air conditioning unit, it was time to get a new stove. We’ve been in the house for 12 years and there was nothing else left to replace.

Besides, we needed it. One burner on the old stove worked fine, as long as you needed less than three minutes to cook something. Anything longer than that, and the flame went out and would not re-ignite. Another burner was good, once you lit it with a match.

That’s two out of four burners. The company that made the stove no longer makes replacement parts for our model, so it couldn’t be fixed.

And we were never too happy with the stove to begin with. It worked well at high temperature, but the low temperature settings were ridiculous. Instead of simply having a low flame, it cycled on and off at a high temperature.

It would heat the pot at medium high for, say, 20 to 30 seconds, then turn off the flame entirely for another 20 to 30 seconds before turning on again. You end up boiling a sauce and then cooling it, over and over and over. That is an unforgivable thing to do to a poor, helpless sauce.

This is a stove designed by an engineer, not a cook. Thermador, the company that made it, thinks that cranking up the heat and then turning it off averages out to a nice low temperature. Cooks know you end up burning or boiling away your sauce.

So we needed a new stove. This is where the part about buying a car comes in.

“We’ve got a brand-new 2026 model that’s right for you,” the salesman said.

“Look at this beauty. It’s got a turbocharged, dual-fuel, dual-overhead cam V8 oven pulling 454 horses with an electric powertrain, cast-iron grates over the burners, double convection fans, an infrared griddle, heated leather seats and fins.”

I kind of stammered a little: “I, I don’t really know if I need all…”

“Come on, David,” he persisted. “Work with me here. What will it take to get you cooking in front of this beauty?”

I’m not big on bells or whistles. I don’t need a stove with a back-up camera and self-parking technology. I just want a stove that sears food I want seared, simmers food I want simmered and bakes a nice loaf of bread.

The problem is, I want a stove that sears, simmers and bakes really, really well.

I don’t want a stove. I want a range. Ranges do the same things stoves do, but they cost a couple of thousand dollars more.

I used to cook — a lot — for work. It made sense for me to use a range. It was big and strong and heavy duty, and it had the power and the precision I needed to cook what I wanted to cook in just exactly the way I wanted to cook it.

I’m not cooking at that volume anymore, but I got used to it. I got accustomed to a burner with more than 20,000 BTU that sears meat perfectly and makes stir-frying a dream. I’m not willing to give that up.

It’s like retired NASCAR racers. After sitting behind something as sleek and powerful as a race car, they aren’t going to be satisfied driving something mundane. I’m pretty sure Jeff Gordon doesn’t drive around in a Honda Civic.

I drive around in a Honda Civic. But I’ll bet my stove is nicer than his.

Like car dealerships, stove stores offer too many options — and they all look tempting. It’s hard to know which one to choose, so I looked at the reviews.

Never look at reviews. Reviews are written by people who are angry (“the repairman said he would be here at 2 and it’s now 3:30, so I’m going to give this stove one star”).

Reviews are written by people who don’t know what they are talking about (“I put a frozen chicken in a pan and cooked it on the stovetop, but the outside burned and the inside was still cold, so I’m giving this stove one star”).

Reviews are written by people who got the stove at a low cost in exchange for favorable reviews (“This is the best stove I have ever had!!! It cooks roast beef perfectly and it cures cancer!!!”).

The reviews did steer us away, perhaps unfairly, from a couple of brands that are hard to find replacement parts for, and from a brand that I had previously adored but has seemingly not kept up its quality.

We ended up buying one at the right price that does just what I want it to do.

I can’t wait to see what goes wrong with it first.

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