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Q: When my daughter was five we used to sit in church so she could see everything that was happening on the altar. One Sunday during the part of the Mass when the priest was reading the prayers from the Roman Missal and blessing the wine and communion, called preparation of the gifts, she leaned over and announced to me "He's reading the recipe”. – (From M)

MG: So cute. There is an innocence and truthfulness in the reaction of children to their religious lives. I remember my daughter Mara sitting in the balcony of a large synagogue where I was leading one of my first Jewish High Holiday services as a rabbi. I was more than a little nervous as I read the Hebrew prayers and the Torah readings when suddenly Mara called out at the top of her lungs, “Daddy, why are you speaking Spanish?” After the laughter died down, I was never nervous again.

Another lesson your story about your daughter reminds me of is the importance of filling your child’s life with memories that root them clearly and strongly in a religious tradition. I remember a girl coming up to Father Tom and me after one of our speeches at a school. Her name was Jennifer and she said to us, “My mommy is Christian and my daddy is Jewish but they did not raise me up to be anything. Do you know how I could get raised up to be something?” My heart was broken by Jennifer’s question. It just seems to me that in addition to having a right to be safe and well fed and loved, every child deserves the right to be able to walk into a synagogue or a church or a masjid and in one of those places say, “I am home here.”

So if you can manage it, try to raise children who do not have to ask Jennifer’s question.

One of my favorite God Squad stories…

The woman in room 402 of the hospital was alone and sitting on the edge of her bed staring blankly out the window as if in a daze when Father Tom and I came to visit her since we were told that she did not have much time to live.

Tommy quietly and respectfully sat down on a chair next to the woman, held her hands gently in his hands, and said just like this, “Dear, you are going to die, but you have nothing to fear because God is going to hold your soul in his hands like a little bird.”

I was stunned, I had never seen such courageous honesty in talking to a dying person. My personal technique up to that evening watching Tommy, was to breeze into the room, smile and say, “Hey, how ya doin’? You look great! Well, I have to be going now.” Tommy just went straight into the truth without hesitation and without fear. It took my breath away.

Then Tommy asked her, “Dear, are you afraid?” She was crying her eyes out and could barely blurt out the words, “Yes, Father, I am afraid.” Then Tommy repeated his healing spiel complete with the reference to God and the little bird (which he pantomimed for her by cupping his hands to show her just exactly how God was going to hold her soul in his hands like a little bird). Then Tommy asked her again if she was still afraid and all she could do was nod her head and breathlessly say, “Yes, I am still afraid.” Tommy then asked her, “Why are you still afraid, dear? Why are you afraid?”

The woman in bed 402 then recovered enough composure to answer my best friend. She sobbed, “I am afraid because I just came into this hospital for a hernia operation! What are you talking about? Why am I going to die?”

The rest of what happened is kind of a blur to me because it happened so fast. Tommy, without missing a beat, rose and said to her, “Well then, you are not going to die.”

I was laughing so hard I thought I might die. I think I was repeating over and over, “Like a little bird … like a little bird.”

Tommy came over to me and said in an urgent voice, “Marc, I think we have to leave NOW.”

The woman was pressing the call button like it was a detonator; Tommy pulled me out of the room; we ran down the hall, laid rubber screeching out of the parking lot; and over several beers and pizza, Tommy looked at me quizzically and said these words which have sustained me personally through many foul ups. Tommy said, “Maybe the dying woman was in room 502.”

(Send ALL QUESTIONS AND COMMENTS to The God Squad via email at godsquadquestion@aol.com. Rabbi Gellman is the author of several books, including “Religion for Dummies,” co-written with Fr. Tom Hartman. Also, the new God Squad podcast is now available.)

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