Life Advice



Single File: In Love With a Married Woman

Susan Dietz on

DEAR SUSAN: I'm in love with a married woman. She knows but says she won't ever leave her marriage because it gives her the security she never had. She tells me about her bedroom activities, saying she hopes I find someone as sexy as she is. But honestly, I'm in love with her forever. I can't look at another woman. Am I doomed to wait for her forever? -- From the 'Single File' Blog

DEAR BLOGGER: Only if you choose to wait. That choice leads you nowhere but to lifelong misery. Still, it's a melodramatic scenario casting you as spurned lover and lifelong victim of self-inflicted pain. I repeat: It's a choice. There is no tighter bondage than one-sided love. It holds you firmly in its grip, offering no relief or release. The worst moments occur in the dark, when you visualize your beloved in the arms of the other man, ecstatic with his mouth on her flesh. In your fantasy world, she can be your tormentor at times, your idealized life partner at other times, both of them existing only in your mind's eye. Never to be realized in the flesh she so willingly offers to him, never to you. You're more than a prisoner of your love; you're a willing sacrifice to an idealized woman who may exist only in your mind's eye. Break the chains or doom yourself to the funeral pyre.

DEAR SUSAN: Instead of dithering about being the "May" of a May-December romance, my fellow blogger, I suggest you forget about a woman's age and make the all-important decision of whether she is an interesting, sexy person and you want to be with her. In other words, watch your reaction to the woman; that's the all-important guide. Take it from there. Not every older woman will live up to your concept of a sexy "cougar," so keep the age factor on the back burner as you meet different women. Some will intrigue you, and if they're your age, so be it. You'll find others interesting, and if they are older, so be it. The better way is to focus on the woman and make her date of birth incidental. I don't know your age, but it is possible to find someone close to your own age who, for some reason, has wider life experience and with whom you would experience the same "ferocity" you believe is exclusive property of the older woman. It's not. -- From the 'Single File' blog

DEAR BLOGGER: Hear, hear! This cougar gladly seconds your emotion. (And then some.) This "Single File" blog has proudly carried some of the most thoughtful posts in all of newspaperland, blossoming into an online haven for all ages and stages of the unmarried community. This blog has become an online resting place where singles can look forward and kick back with perfect ease and safety. (And I for one am britches-busting proud to be part of it.) That said, I agree with you that it's the person, not the age that brings fulfillment. And that goes equally for women seeking the younger lover! If the hard body doesn't house a youthful, optimistic spirit, the thrill is gone. (And yes, you can read my lips.)



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