Life Advice



Single File: Snowball

Susan Dietz on

DEAR SUSAN: Yes, there may be some bemoaning on my part on this blog, but some of it has to do with understanding what happens when it's happening. Look -- I've followed all the rules, but still nothing happens. Right, I do feel sorry for myself. But what is wanted are answers, not pity. -- From the 'Single File' blog

DEAR BLOGGER: How well I know the feeling of being misunderstood, taken to task for things I did (and didn't) mean. (Ahem.) But let's leave that for another time. Right now, you're asking me to solve the mystery of the missing love partner in your life. You want answers -- and deserve nothing less. But the truth is that no one but you yourself has the answers to the questions of your life. They will come from your memories, your relationships, your impressions, your misimpressions. They are all within, waiting to be discovered. And -- should you elect to start the most daring adventure of your life -- they can reshape your life by changing your choices. Some will be left by the wayside, others affirmed, but with a caring/competent therapist alongside, you will discover the reasons your life isn't giving you the fulfillment you deserve. Finding those reasons within your memory (all of them connected to relationships/incidents in your life) and facing them with your therapist/guide/friend beside you is, I promise you, the adventure of a lifetime -- like no other. And it will change you: You will be a better friend, a better parent, a better person. You'll be more content with your choices, more understanding of your fellow man. Kinder to yourself. Right now, phone your physician and ask for the names of three competent therapists. Start finding answers.

DEAR SUSAN: I hope my fellow blogger takes your advice and is darn careful when she dumps her no-goodnik; he could go postal and hurt her. His control mania (born of jealousy and insecurity) could turn into timing her every minute away from home, checking her odometer, isolating her and probably within six months physically abusing her. He's already trying to get her to quit her job (an exceptionally good one with a full pension and all sorts of perks) so he can control the money and her life! She needs to tell him goodbye -- immediately -- and NOT QUIT her job. Nobody who really loves her would ask this of her. Case closed. -- From the 'Single File' blog

DEAR BLOGGER: If she learns from this close call, next time she won't spend time dithering about changing her life for anyone. The bottom line? "Nobody who really loves her would ask this of her." In those few words lies a world of experience and a life lesson not to forget. Love, the true sort, doesn't ask its object to sacrifice in its name. Instead, an authentic, nurturing love partner only wants to increase their beloved's goodnesses in any and every possible way. True love wants to add to, not detract from, the life of the beloved. Something to remember, no?



We've uncovered another treasure trove of "Single File" paperbacks -- in perfect condition, signed by Susan, ready to enjoy. Send $15 and your address: Susan Deitz, C/O Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. Have a question for Susan? You can reach her directly at




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