Avoiding Poet-Neighbor Best Accomplished By Moving

Judith Martin, Nicholas Ivor Martin and Jacobina Martin on Apr 16, 2024

My daughter only received one card and a few "congratulations" messages online. She and I were really hurt, and I was especially irritated because, over the past 40 years, I have personally hosted two showers and given 20+ wedding and baby shower gifts to family members.

Am I just being petty or old-fashioned? I just got another baby shower invitation today, and here we go.

GENTLE READER: Can you assure Miss Manners that this is about the cards themselves, and not about something that might have been slipped into a card? You moved very quickly to mentioning presents.

It is unfortunate that many people think of wedding presents as the obligatory price of admission to the event -- therefore, no event means no present, and often no reaction at all.

To answer what Miss Manners believes to be your real question: As exchanging presents is customary in your family, that tradition should not have been canceled along with the party. But what shocks her is that many seem to have failed to acknowledge the marriage at all. Whether those who did so sent informal electronic messages or used cards does not seem that important.

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(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)