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Navigating Marriage 30 Years In

Annie Lane on

Dear Annie: I have been married for 30 years and feel sad about the way things have been for the last couple of years.

My husband and I were married in May 1993, and I feel like our lives have sent us in two different directions. He is now a pastor of a church, where he has worked for more than two years. I know this is what he has been called to do, but this is not what I've been called to do, and I really struggle with what I should do.

I feel myself moody all the time toward him because I am not happy in this current situation. He knows how I feel, but I still struggle daily. Do I stay or should I leave to fulfill my life's journey so I'm happy? -- Unhappy

Dear Unhappy: Even if you leave your husband, it's not clear what your life's journey is. Take time to find out what brings you joy and will make you feel fulfilled BEFORE you make the big choice to leave him. Might be a good time to seek professional marriage counseling or individual therapy.

Unhappiness and moodiness could be a sign of depression -- something that a professional can help you sort out.

Dear Annie: I'm 67 years old. Last year I joined my local volunteer fire company. I wasn't sure what I could do, but I figured I could do something. I decided to take a course to be an EMT, so I went to school and am now a Certified Emergency Medical Technician!

I found camaraderie with the fire crew, a link to my community and something fulfilling for me to do. Volunteer Fire Companies are desperate for help. No matter how "old" you are, they'll have something you can do. -- Volunteer

 

Dear Volunteer: I hope that your letter inspires others to know that it's never too late to pursue a passion. Especially when that passion helps others! By helping others you are helping yourself. When we show kindness and love to each other, we get kindness and love back!

Dear Annie: I'm writing about your response to the husband of an alcoholic wife. I have seen you answer others in the past regarding how Alcoholics Anonymous has helped a lot of people. In this case, I would highly recommend Al-Anon. While I've never been to a single Al-Anon meeting in my life, I have been to my share of AA meetings.

After 34 years of drinking and almost destroying my marriage, I went to AA and this time stayed there (it was not my first attempt). My wife went to Al-Anon, where she got to learn about life with an alcoholic. My last drink was on March 3, 2008. Nothing changes if nothing changes. -- Sober in Arizona

Dear Sober: Congratulations on your sobriety. You never gave up, and you succeeded and continue to succeed one day at a time.

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"How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?" is out now! Annie Lane's second anthology -- featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation -- is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.


 

 

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