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Daughter's Wedding Vision Is Not Up To Par

Annie Lane on

Dear Annie: My daughter will be getting married in a couple of weeks. This is her second marriage. They were engaged right before Covid and put the wedding on hold. They now have decided that they are tired of waiting and will go ahead with a small wedding with just very close family members. However, it has exponentially increased to about 26 people. She wanted it in her house, but her house is very small and she has four dogs that don't behave. We offered our house, as it's much larger, and said we would also pick up the food and other accommodations.

Our daughter initially agreed to having it at our house on one condition -- that she bring her dogs -- as she wants them to be part of her wedding. She wants to dress them up. Her dogs are not well-behaved. They have been known to go to the bathroom anywhere. They bark a lot and jump on people. They have never been to our house, and I can't imagine them in our house with 26 people.

We have hardwood floors. We have new furniture. Who is going to be responsible for continuously taking them outside and cleaning up after their messes in our house? My daughter said it's nonnegotiable so she will have the wedding at her place. Again, her house is small. Parking is an issue. Seating is an issue. Putting food out is an issue.

My husband has lung problems and having to walk to her house because of the parking is unacceptable to us. Being in a small house with 26 people and all the dog hair and dander is unacceptable to us. So my husband said he won't be going. He hasn't told her yet. We told her we are willing to pay for a hall if we can get one at this last minute, but that is unacceptable to our daughter.

In addition, she has pretty much kept us in the dark on everything. Are we wrong in not allowing the dogs at our house for the wedding? Is she wrong for wanting the wedding at her house even though it's small and wouldn't be good for her father? Most people will have had Covid vaccines, but not everyone on her guest list.

I'm heartbroken over this, and my daughter and I are not speaking. Don't get me wrong. We love dogs. But how would this be enjoyable for anyone? -- Wedding Going to the Dogs

 

Dear Wedding Going to the Dogs: It sounds like both of you are digging your heels in. You make great points about how uncomfortable your husband and probably the 26 guests will feel, but at the end of the day, it's your daughter's wedding, not yours. Maybe you could convince her to have the rehearsal at your house without the dogs and have a nice dinner party, and then, for the actual wedding, where she wants her dogs as part of the family, they can have the ceremony at her house. That way, you are both compromising.

But don't let this ruin your relationship. Marriage is a very exciting time of life, and a mother and daughter can have a nice time planning together. Keep working on her, but be willing to compromise a little more.

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"How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?" is out now! Annie Lane's second anthology -- featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation -- is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.


 

 

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