Ask Amy: Parent wonders whether to bail out daughter
I’m trying to avoid a battle with my daughter, but she will be upset if we help her soon-to-be ex retain the house, no matter what we may offer to her.
Butt in or stay out of it?
– Financially Secure
Dear Financially Secure: You are already quite involved in this split, but in my opinion, you should not offer to finance this house. For the time being, in order to keep the children in their home, the couple might consider “nesting,” which is when the kids stay in the house and the estranged parents trade off staying in the home. You might consider helping with rent on a small nearby apartment where the non-custodial parent will stay during the days the other is in the home with the kids.
Your daughter voluntarily left the home and partnered up with this “friend,” who has children. If she ended up owning the home, she could move this man (and possibly his kids) into the home; marking a major disruption for all of the children.
If you financed the house, you might be tempted to try to control who lives there, embroiling you further in this mess.
You can benefit the grandchildren (without interfering) by always welcoming them into your home as a never-changing and stable safe harbor.
Dear Amy: I married “Bob” five years ago. When we met, he had been raising his two daughters alone for three years.
His former wife has been diagnosed with an antisocial mental disorder. Through the three years it took to finalize their divorce, she was arrested for stalking one daughter after defying a restraining order.
She was not attempting to physically harm the daughter, but was knowingly going against the court order.
...continued
