Ask Amy: A large family has divided loyalties
Dear Dad: Children at these ages are starting to differentiate between family members, and are especially interested in siblings. In fact, many young children express amazement that their parents were ever children themselves, and that they even have siblings.
This is why family photos and memories are so intriguing and important to share.
Tell your kids about your brother, and share positive memories of him from your childhood. Tell stories about some of the things you two used to do together.
When they ask where he is, you should express that “he broke some important rules and laws and got into trouble. He was sent to jail, and he has to stay there for a while. I miss him, but I keep in touch with him by sending him letters. I’ve told him all about you two and he is excited to meet you someday.” (They might like to send him some drawings or letters, too.)
Your kids will likely ask what rules he broke, and you can say that he made some bad choices, and didn’t hurt anybody – but he did hurt himself.
Answer your children’s questions, but don’t overload them with details. As they get older you can expand on your explanations.
Dear Amy: Regarding the letter from “Perplexed in Suburbia,” (the person who greets neighbors without receiving responses from younger folks), this is akin to telling women to smile.
No one is entitled to a response just because they are being friendly.
If greeting people makes you happy and comes from the goodness of your heart, why would a lack of acknowledgment bother you?
If you are expecting something in return, reflect on your true motives.
– A Reader
Dear A Reader: You make an excellent point, and I think your perspective is valuable. However, men instructing women who are walking past to “smile” is different from someone merely wondering why friendly greetings aren’t returned. I’ll run more responses in an upcoming column.
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(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)
©2023 Amy Dickinson. Distributed by Tribune Content Agency, LLC.
