Ask Amy: Friendship is no ‘give’ and all ‘take’
I wish I could attend one per month.
If I say I don't want to come to an event, they get very upset and repeatedly ask me to show up. It's always a battle.
I'm 37, but feel 17.
How can I get out of these constant family events without moving to another part of the country?
Is lying acceptable in this case? I could tell them I have to work.
– Anonymous
Dear Anonymous: It sounds as if lying might not be effective, given that you tell your folks that you have to work on weekends, and they either don’t believe you, forget, or simply want to make sure that you feel included on every invitation.
People have different social attitudes and aptitudes. You have the right to conduct your social life the way you want to.
You should tell your family members, “I appreciate how close we are, but I get overwhelmed by the number of family get-togethers. When I say ‘no’ to an invitation, please don’t take it personally, and please don’t pressure me about it. I simply get burned out. I really need you to respect this.”
If you continue to feel crowded, badgered, pressured, or battling with family members, then employ a firmer, “Remember? No means no.”
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