Ask Amy: Cohabiting couple struggles to unpack their ‘stuff’
If something is not being used NOW (even if needed or useful later), out it goes.
She donated an occasionally used, older kitchen appliance and later the same day purchased another.
I'm not sure how to help her (or keep my stuff), as she says I need help with "hoarding.”
Please raise awareness of compulsive decluttering.
How do I defend decisions when being branded a "hoarder" for useful/needed/cherished objects?
– R
Dear R: Several years ago, I sardonically suggested that decluttering expert Marie Kondo had a compulsive disorder (she sends so much to the landfill!). And then earlier this year, Ms. Kondo announced that the quest for tidy perfection had taken up too much space in her own life, and that she was now rearranging her priorities in a quest for more balance.
Compulsive decluttering does resemble hoarding, in that extreme anxiety and compulsions drive the desire to obsessively remove “stuff.” People who suffer with this will get rid of things they will need later, then replace the item, and then remove that, too. So yes, according to your description, your fiancée may suffer from a version of this.
But she has moved into “your” house. Like every cohabiting couple, you will have to negotiate the issue of combining your possessions and arriving at a lifestyle that you both can manage.
It is vital that she feels comfortable and at peace in her home.
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