ArcaMax

Dear Hunter: You derive some very real joy and satisfaction from getting a good deal on a steak. And then, by having a heart attack at your wife’s choices, you deny her the same.

My basic take is that she is testing and teasing you. As much of an asset as your bargain hunting can be, this sort of hyper awareness of prices can also be annoying, especially when she’s trying to enjoy a night out.

My perspective is that you saved enough on your (discounted) meal for your wife to splurge on hers, making the meal basically a wash, financially.

That was really nice of you!

You mention that you manage all the family finances and also “shop for the family.” Is this because you become too uncomfortable if your wife pays full-price for something?

If you were able to cede some control, including your wife as a partner in your household decision-making, then she would be less likely to yank your chain when she has the chance.

You two obviously need to talk about this. If your wife’s choices make you anxious, then you should be honest about your feelings and reactions. If you two decided ahead of time on a reasonable budget for these dinners out, then you should be able to work together when you’re ordering.

Being generous toward your partner can feel positively expansive, but you interpret your own generosity as your wife taking from you, and you don’t seem to give her the opportunity to be generous in return.

Dear Amy: After I retired, I had time to go through boxes of personal papers that I had saved.

These included letters that current friends and family had written to me over many years.

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