Ask Amy: Community cooperation group forgets to cooperate

Amy Dickinson, Tribune Content Agency on Mar 1, 2023

Dear Hurtin’: While I love a good fist-bump, I think that offering it without explanation could bring on a lot of physical awkwardness while you convey what you are trying to do.

I need to question your choice to lie about why you can’t shake hands. Telling people you are just getting over a communicable virus is not your best option.

I have witnessed elders with arthritis get physically hurt by a well-meaning and enthusiastic greeting (hugs and handshakes). It’s hard to wince your way through a hearty “hello.”

You might try holding both hands up in a “pause” gesture while you say: “I have painful arthritis in my hand. Can I offer you a gentle fist bump instead of a handshake?”

If you say you have arthritis, this might make people more aware that others are similarly challenged. If you don’t want to disclose this, you can say, “I’m going full-on fist bump. Is that OK with you?”

Dear Amy: I was so disappointed in your response to “Anxious Aunt,” whose niece was going to be married in Europe.

You really fell down on the job. You should have advised her to get herself to Europe for this wedding … with bells on!

– Disappointed

Dear Disappointed: This Anxious Aunt did not want to go to Europe. She didn’t want to go.

I do try to encourage people to step outside of their comfort zones, but if a person writing to me states clearly that they don’t want to do something (and their reasons are completely logical), then I think it is most respectful of me to take them at their word.

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(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)