Ask Amy: Attention imbalance bothers grandchild
– Underappreciated
Dear Underappreciated: If you fear that expressing your sincere feelings will bring on a heated argument, then I’d say that the issue with your grandparents is deeper and more complicated than an attention imbalance.
Parents oftentimes actively promote closeness between their children and grandparents, starting very early in life. Your parents might have been more low-key than your cousins’ parents.
These cousins seem to be succeeding in ways that we in Western culture latch onto. Excelling in sports and heading to Ivy League schools will provide a shorthand for obvious “success” in the sometimes superficial and obvious ways that some parents and grandparents seem to covet and value.
If you want to let your grandparents know how this affects you, you can express your feelings – using “I statements”: “I know that my cousins are doing well, but I’m doing really well, too. I feel like I’m often in their shadow when it comes to you. It would mean a lot to me if you understood that. Your good opinion means a lot to me.”
A few statements like this should open the door. I hope that your grandparents choose to walk through it.
Remember, though, that the most important approval you will ever receive is that which you give to yourself. Keep going on your own path to success.
Dear Amy: I am a recently divorced woman. I started a new job about six months ago. I am in middle management and enjoy the work very much.
One of my (male) colleagues has asked me around three times what my marital status is.
Normally I’m pretty open about my life, but this query puts me off. I’ve dodged the question, but I’m wondering how you think I should handle it.
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