ArcaMax

When I got married, a couple of people did this, and it was fine. (Worse were those we’d set a place for who accepted the invitation, didn’t show up, and didn’t let us know in advance – and that seems to happen at every wedding.)

And yes, if your son got engaged before the wedding, the marrying couple might be embarrassed if they learned about it later and hadn’t included the fiance in the invitation.

But that is almost the worst reason in the world to rush an engagement.

Dear Amy: I know three nice older women in relationships that haven't led to marriage because the men's children won't accept these women into the family.

I was wondering if there are people in that situation where the man has said, "This is my choice and I want you to accept it and her."

I'm just a bystander, but I am curious.

– Alice

Dear Alice: Yes, I do believe that this whole issue of adult children not accepting a new partner is something of a phenomenon.

“Wicked stepmother” tropes aside, I think this complex control issue has to do partly with how these entitled children were raised, how the marriage between their parents ended (whether through death or divorce), and how rapidly the children might believe their parent has moved into new relationships.

I will say this – as a daughter, mother, and very happy stepmother: If you give people power and control over your life, they will happily take it and run with it.

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