Ask Amy: Abuse survivor deserves validation
My family claims that this was not abuse because he didn’t rape me.
I have been to therapy and I have done a lot of work on myself.
Amy, I have felt useless and dirty since I was 10 years old.
Was I abused, or am I just not able to have an intimate relationship because of my own bad behavior?
– Still Wondering
Dear Wondering: You have a lingering and necessary desire for validation; this is a direct result of your family’s choice to continuously deny the traumatic experiences you were subjected to throughout your childhood.
Yes, you were abused. Your mother’s husband attempted to groom you throughout your childhood. Exposing himself and performing a sex act in front of you is a crime.
Read some of the harrowing accounts of (adult) women traumatized by Harvey Weinstein doing what this man did to you, and you will see the long-term and devastating impact of this kind of sexual misconduct and abuse. (Weinstein is currently on trial for rape; his criminal behavior also included exposing himself and performing a sex act in front of women).
You were a child. No one protected you at the time, and they are not protecting you now.
Your abuser robbed you of your self-esteem. Survivors of sexual abuse often struggle with trust and intimacy. This response is a natural reaction of you continuing to protect yourself, the way you had to do all during childhood.
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