Ask Amy: Introverted person worried about friendships
After she moved, she asked to use my room for an hour when she knew I wouldn’t be there. I said yes.
Today when I came in, I noticed that she had been in my room after I left yesterday, but hadn't asked me first.
We are friends and I want to stay on good terms. But I feel that she's taken advantage of my good will toward her, since she is just starting out.
It's hard to say no, but I pay rent and feel that it's not my responsibility to support her.
What would be a good way to clear things up, while keeping things friendly between us?
– Learning Boundaries
Dear Learning: It’s especially “hard to say no,” if you aren’t asked.
You should be extremely straightforward: “Now that you have your own space, it’s important that you not use mine. If you have an emergency, let me know and we can talk about it.”
Using your space without your permission is not only a boundary breach, but – as the leaseholder – it could have unintended and serious consequences for you.
After you talk, it would be wisest for you to make sure that you are the only person who has keys to your room. Change the locks, if necessary.
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