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Ask Amy: Young adult should not retire, but relocate

Amy Dickinson, Tribune Content Agency on

Dear Amy: My younger sister and I have a rocky relationship.

She and our dad are currently feuding and because I didn't side with her at our grandma’s funeral, she has cut me from her life.

It doesn't bother me, but my 13-year-old daughter has only one cousin -- my sister's toddler.

We live far away from my sister, but are planning to visit other relatives in her town soon.

I really don't want to let my sister know that we will be in town, but because of my daughter wanting to see her cousin, I feel like I should.

What do you think?

 

– Dysfunctional Family in Iowa

Dear Iowa: If your daughter wants to connect with her toddler cousin, then you would be setting a good example for her by reaching out to your sister.

Your sister is also likely to hear about your local visit through other family members, and so if you contact her using a neutral tone, she can then decide how to respond. Try: “Hi, I’m letting you know that Tiff and I are planning to visit the Murray cousins next month. She is eager to see her little cousin, so let me know if that would be possible.”

If your sister is determined to continue this feud, she will do so. This is truly a case where you might be “damned if you do, damned if you don’t.”

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