Ask Amy: Soon-to-be ex ponders divorce disclosure
Dear Splitting: Not every divorce is a “conscious uncoupling,” and it might be naive to believe that accompanying your husband would provide any “closure” to your in-laws. Closure is complicated, and you might not ever believe you’ve achieved it.
If you two are announcing your divorce, your in-laws will probably intuit that everything is not OK.
One reason to accompany your husband is to witness the narrative he presents to his parents (although this story could always change later), and to respectfully and discreetly let them know that this is a mutual decision, without heaping on details, accusations, or your profound and personal disappointment in their son.
I do believe that you should make an effort to see your in-laws in person, and whether you do this with your husband or alone – you should prepare yourself for this potentially emotional moment.
This news might make the elder couple quite sad, and the knowledge that your very long relationship with them is changing might make you feel emotional, too.
Divorce is messy and sad – even when it is overdue. I hope you maintain your equilibrium, as well as a friendship with your in-laws.
Dear Amy: Over the pandemic shutdowns my husband has reconnected with old friends and distant family.
It has been wonderful for him to be able to catch up with them, but a consistent problem keeps happening.
The spouses tend to sit in the background and listen in to these calls – or even chime in. He never gets to chat with the person alone.
It is disconcerting to say, “Tell your wife hi for me,” and hear her respond personally – with my husband not knowing that she was monitoring the call the whole time.
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