Ask Amy: Mom and grandmother both play favorites
Dear Grandma: If your daughter would respond to respectful observational feedback from her own mother by denying access to the children, then your issues might be larger than this imbalance of attention.
You sound very sensitive regarding the topic of favoritism. I’m not sure that leaving one child home from shopping because she doesn’t want to go is an example of … anything, but I agree that overt parental favoritism has a negative effect on the entire family – look at what it is doing to your own!
You see that mom favors the youngest, so you favor the eldest.
I agree that it is compassionate and loving to treat your elder granddaughter with lots of attention. Every child wants to be recognized as an individual and appreciated for their unique presence. Every child wants to be “seen” – especially by a treasured grandparent.
This includes your younger granddaughter. It would be a good example for both girls if you sometimes treated them as a team, promoting balance and togetherness, while finding some special time to spend with each.
Dear Amy: I have one sister and no other siblings. My parents have been divorced for 28 years and live in the state I grew up in.
Approximately 18 years ago, my sister followed me to the same city I have been living in for approximately 24 years. One reason she allegedly moved was to be closer to my children, although she never really saw them more than a few times a year for birthdays and holidays.
After cutting both of my parents out of her life in 2019, she cut me out of her life in 2021. She was angry that I took her to the hospital during a very serious manic episode. She has no contact with my children.
I love her, but I have come to accept that given her mental illness, I will never be able to do enough for her, and I no longer wish to ride her roller coaster of false accusations and the other drama she invites into her life on a regular basis.
I am the power of attorney for our father, who lives in an independent living center that I arranged for him.
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