Ask Amy: Hoarder in the house causes stress
I need advice on how to help with this and to protect myself and our house from the paper avalanche. I worry about fire and bugs, but more about D’s happiness.
– Buried
Dear Buried: Any “decluttering” will only provide a temporary respite – but the positive news is that “D” is somewhat cooperative, although you can see the anxiety brought on by both the problem and its consequences.
Hoarding disorder (HD) is a serious and persistent disorder that has been linked to anxiety and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.
You and D should switch all of your accounts to have online access, in order to have your bill paying, utilities, banking, and retirement accounts accessible to both of you at all times – and paperless. This will decrease the amount of paper coming into the house, and should keep both of you on track with bill paying – greatly reducing frustration.
You should not shame or blame D, but recognize hoarding as a serious challenge. Some hoarders respond to a “harm reduction” strategy, versus a focus on simply getting rid of things: “I’m worried about fire. Can we work together to reduce the paper by one-third to reduce the risk to our house?”
Two helpful resources for family members of hoarders: Hoarding.iocdf.org, and the book “Digging Out: Helping Your Loved One Manage Clutter, Hoarding, and Compulsive Acquiring,” by two clinicians who deal with this family challenge: Michael A. Tompkins and Tamara L. Hartl (2009, New Harbinger).
Dear Amy: I am soon to be 75.
I am physically and mentally healthy.
This week I spent a grueling 90 minutes with my dental hygienist.
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