Ask Amy: True friends are worth freezing for
Dear Amy: “Allie” and I became friends when our children were young. We celebrated holidays, vacationed together, and shared in our joys and troubles.
Allie is ambitious, friendly, and very extroverted, while I am quiet and introverted. It's natural that she has a larger circle of friends, most of whom I have also known for years. She's likeable and good at her work, but very status conscious.
I have been a supportive, discreet friend. When she went through some painful years of family estrangement, mine was her surrogate family for holidays. When she needed babysitting help, I kept her kids.
For several years, we invited (and paid for) her family to join us on vacation. She was happy to join, but played on her phone and constantly texted friends at home, making plans for when she returned.
Last year, she asked my husband and son to mow her lawn when she was ill, which they were happy to do.
Amy, I have been left out of friend trips, parties, and other events (where I knew everyone attending); I listened later while she related how much fun they’d had.
I felt hurt and upset plenty of times, but I never realized how one-sided this friendship seemed until recently.
I am not a perfect friend, but I have other meaningful friendships, and I don't think this one is worth more of my time, yet I am still wondering about it.
I think I’m ready to move on, but why am I harboring such animosity?
– A Friend