Ask Amy: Family rift calls for a firm boundary
– Still Destroying My Life
Dear Still Destroying: I’m not sure why you let your abusive mother keep her hooks in you, but that is one legacy of being raised by an unstable parent: You (the child) will continue to work overtime to make things “right.”
The child in you has an irrepressible desire to please your parent. You simply never stop hoping for the day when you can heal all the hurt.
As an adult, you may have to accept that you didn’t have that power as a child, and you certainly don’t have it now.
Your mother is a loudspeaker on a loop. You can turn down the volume by choosing not to engage. You can turn the speaker off with a quiet exit when your discomfort becomes too great.
Don’t tell your mother anything that you don’t want her to comment on. Pay close attention to your body’s instinctive reaction to her.
Practice ways to disengage when you feel that old familiar knot in your stomach.
Every decision you should make should be for the benefit of you and your immediate family.
Dear Amy: Please tell me how to get over a relationship I was in for almost six years. It was perfect in the beginning and then it turned abusive.
I tried to love him throughout. He went to prison twice and both times I remained faithful and supportive. Then, when I couldn’t take his insults and him hitting me, I started to realize that I was done.
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