Ask Amy: Homeowner confesses to out-of-control messes
My circle of friends is growing smaller due to death, moving, and/or finding myself kind of silently "written off.”
Your advice?
– Old Messy House Dweller
Dear Dweller: I think you should choose to treat yourself as well as you treat your tenants. You deserve to live in a safe and comfortable home, and if you put this off much longer, you might be so overwhelmed and emotionally paralyzed that you wouldn’t be able to even start. Please, do this while you are healthy and have some control over the process.
This sort of project is made much easier – emotionally and physically – by working with one or more partners. You could hire a professional to help you to sort through your possessions and choose which to donate, sell, and keep. With your late husband’s and kids’ possessions dealt with, there won’t be anything left to fight about!
Selling some of your things could finance necessary repairs and painting. It would also liberate you from your burden.
Curating your shelves of books and only keeping favorites will make your cozy book nook the refuge you deserve.
If you don’t want to hire someone, one or two friends could help you to get started. Church groups sometimes organize teams to help people in your situation; your local Office on Aging could also point you toward volunteers.
I highly recommend that you watch the show “Clean Sweep” (clips and tips available on YouTube). These stories featuring homes such as yours are helpful, useful, and inspiring.
Dear Amy: My children are now young adults. I've remained in a loveless relationship in order for them to have a two-parent home. I made this decision because neither of my parents were present when I was growing up.
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