Ask Amy: Client’s crush on therapist creates dilemma
What are your thoughts on this?
– Anonymous in NC
Dear Anonymous: Your attraction to your therapist is greatly affecting your therapeutic work. Your obsession is actually keeping you in therapy because you want to continue to spend time with your therapist, so it is possible that you aren’t bringing up this or the “other things” you are trying to work through because you want to delay the possibility of graduating.
The reasons you can’t discuss this are also the reasons why you must discuss this.
I have read through the lengthy ethics rules regarding sexual relationships between therapist and client set out by the American Psychological Association (APA.org), which are all designed to protect the client from harm.
Reasons to discuss this now – in therapy — are: This speaks to a core aspect of your sexuality.
It is affecting the other work you are determined to do.
And – in my opinion, anyway – it is unfair to your therapist, both as a clinician and as a fellow human being to withhold this important information. It involves her, after all.
The ethical guidelines are extremely clear regarding relationships between therapist and clients. Once you stop being a client, however, the rules – while still designed to protect you – loosen somewhat. The recommendation is that a therapist wait at least two years after the professional relationship has ceased before engaging in an intimate relationship.
The burden is on the therapist to make a decision that won’t harm you. She can’t begin to assess this aspect of your work together until you disclose how you feel.
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