Ask Amy: Board members are afraid of confrontation

Amy Dickinson, Tribune Content Agency on Aug 7, 2021

I don't feel I have any peace. How do I handle this without hurting his feelings?

– In a Quandary

Dear Quandary: I wonder why you are so worried about hurting this man’s feelings when, according to you, he is very much the guilty party leading to your divorce, which has left you devastated.

Either you are simply the nicest person in the world, or you currently lack the strength to put your own peace of mind over the possibility of your ex’s hurt feelings.

Because your ex seems to want to rekindle the intimate relationship, you should build some strong boundaries now, in order to possibly build on a platonic friendship later.

Sharing custody of the pets where they spend some time in his home (instead of him visiting them at your home) is one way to create some distance.

If that is not possible and you agree for him to visit the pets at your home, you might choose to run errands while he is there.

You should reduce your contact with him to a series of cordial interactions. A friendship might then grow from that, but if he can’t handle it you’ll have to further limit contact with him.

Dear Amy: I got teary reading the question from “Distant Grandmother,” whose daughter had died young, and now that daughter’s daughter was rejecting her.

Thank you for helping her to understand that teens lack the perspective and wherewithal to respond to an elder’s needs, and for encouraging this grandmother to find ways to connect.

I still feel terrible that I didn’t respond to my own Grannie’s cards and letters. I was so self-absorbed! I’m glad she didn’t give up on me.

– Grateful

Dear Grateful: I hope your Grannie was around to receive your gratitude.

========

(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)