ArcaMax

Our son-in-law is fine with it if we choose not to attend.

We are casually friendly with the in-laws, but feel like this is an unusual set of circumstances and an unnecessary expense for us.

I think the invitation was sent more as a gesture rather than an expectation, as there was a hand-written note by one of the siblings to us on our save-the-date card, indicating they do understand if we do not attend, which I also found strange.

We are not planning to attend, how would you suggest we respond when the actual invitation arrives?

– Keeping the Peace

Dear Keeping the Peace: I don’t find it strange – but gracious – for a host to indicate that your attendance at this out-of-state event is not at all mandatory and that you are off the hook if you choose to stay home.

An invitation sent as a “gesture” rather than an expectation is just that – a gesture. And it is a benign social convention that should be appreciated, especially in this case, since you don’t want to go, anyway!

You do not know why your son-in-law’s name was left off of this invitation, but it might have been at his own suggestion and again – lucky you – you don’t need to investigate further.

RSVP your regrets promptly to the hosts and send a card directly to the in-law couple, congratulating them and wishing them the very best for a happy celebration.

Dear Amy: Like other readers, I am very disappointed that you shamed the mom who signed her letter “Blank Slate” for being an “inadequate parent.”

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