ArcaMax

Dear Trying: You can – and do – feel genuine remorse for your behavior. Repentance is the act of recognizing, accepting, and feeling remorse or contrition, making a commitment to change, and then … changing.

According to you, you’ve done all of these things. If so, you have both repented and also earned your former girlfriend’s forgiveness.

(Is she now required to grant you forgiveness? No.)

The way to make amends is to change your behavior in ways that would demonstrate that you are a changed person, in order to behave differently in the future.

If you have done these things, then you’re good.

What you should NOT do is to contact this person and report on all of your life and character improvements. She has asked you not to contact her, and part of your repentance should be to demonstrate that you can respect her wishes. For some people after insisting on no contact, even receiving an apology can seem like a further offense; if she reaches out to you, you should be sincere.

Go forth and do differently. Let that be your reward.

Dear Amy: We recently received a “save the date” card (with invitation to follow) for a 50th wedding anniversary party for my son-in-law’s parents. This party is being hosted by two of their three children, leaving our son-in-law out. (Our daughter and son-in-law will be attending, however.)

My husband and I find this rude and downright mean that they did not include our son-in-law in the planning and on the invitation.

We have no idea why, and really do not feel like attending this party, as it involves airfare, traveling out of state and two hotel nights for us (plus a gift).

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