Ask Amy: Surprise pregnancy leaves gran in a family’s way
Dear Guy: Unless your entire family takes a vote and declares you their official representative, you should really only speak for yourself.
And if whoever is hosting these events specifically invites “Marcia,” then understand that you don’t actually speak for everyone.
Stating your own feelings (and not speaking for others) gives you the advantage of clarity and verification, which comes in handy when other family members decide to passively throw you under the bus (i.e. “Marcia — What? Brad said you’re not welcome here? Why, I can’t imagine what he was thinking….!”)
You won’t cause any kind of scene if you ask if you could speak with her privately. Say, “I have wanted to say this for some time, but I was hoping I wouldn’t have to. But I want you to know that your presence at these family events makes me extremely uncomfortable.”
Dear Amy: “Upset” wondered if she had gone too far by terminating her husband’s relationship with his female exercise friend. Easy fix — claim that role yourself! Walking with a partner can have huge health and relationship benefits.
It’s definitely strengthened our marriage (even though we have to wake up at dawn to fit it in!)
– Big Fan from CA
Dear Fan: Absolutely. Now that “Upset” has scared off her husband’s workout buddy, she should put on her own sneakers and get out there.
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(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)
©2021 Amy Dickinson. Distributed by Tribune Content Agency, LLC.
