Life Advice



Ask Amy: Long-distance relationship drifts into friend zone

Amy Dickinson, Tribune Content Agency on

Dear Amy: I got divorced about a year ago after 20 years. Shortly after the divorce I started chatting with a woman who had gone to my high school. We've met quite a few times, we’ve have had coffee and lunch together, and some outdoor activities.

We have had a very good time every time we’ve met, even if it's just for a few minutes. (I have to drive one hour from my town to hers.)

She warned me that she wasn’t looking for a relationship. She's separated from her husband (but not divorced) for two years.

I had promised her I would be respectful and not try to take advantage or try to do something against her will, but after a few months, I realized I had fallen for her, and I told her so.

She replied that even though she knew what a good person I was, she had told me before she wasn't looking for a relationship, and to just stay as we were, but that "maybe, after a seed that has been planted — who knows what can grow?”

That was five or six months ago. Things remained the same; I had that little bit of hope, but over the last month, the communication between us has diminished. If I don't reach out to her, she will not proactively contact me. For the last few days, she’s gone “quiet.” She “likes” some of my social media posts, but that's it.


I feel like she's trying to get out of our relationship, for whatever reason, and that her silence is the best answer, so maybe I could talk to her and let her know I will no longer reach out to her because I can't see her just as a friend.

At the same time, my heart tells me to just watch and listen, since the answers are evident, but to somehow keep the faith.

What do you think I should do?

– Lovelorn


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