Life Advice



Ask Amy: Readers respond, correcting assumptions

Amy Dickinson, Tribune Content Agency on

Dear Amy: I am a 50-year-old woman who was adopted as an infant.

I've been reading letters from readers of yours who, when they find their birth family, are extremely disappointed with the experience.

It seems as if they expect their birth family to welcome them into the fold as if they were always there.

I had a family for 25 years and although my parents were far from perfect, they were mine.

When I was 25 years old my birth mother found me and although I adamantly did NOT want this experience, it was forced upon me by a group that touts reuniting family.

Unfortunately, it turns out my birth mother had deep-seated mental problems.


I was sucked into her drama and through no fault of my own was then blamed by her (and her other children) when she would constantly threaten suicide.

My birth father committed suicide after I found out (through my birth mother) who he was.

My point is that there are usually reasons why we are placed for adoption. Sometimes, years later, those reasons are still good ones, and we should appreciate the families that we have and the lives that we've built.

It is helpful to be able to get a medical history, and it is quite refreshing to see people that actually look like you, but sometimes that is not worth the disappointment and dashed expectations.


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