Ask Amy: Extreme judgment might lead to radical acceptance
Our sister won't share these photos. She won't bring them to family functions. She won't scan them and make us copies.
She doesn't want to even acknowledge the fact that they exist.
The rest of us have asked her over and over again. We've offered to buy new photo albums to replace when the pictures fall out of the original albums. She says they were given to her and there is nothing we can do about it.
My mom has tried reasoning with her, but she won’t budge.
My dad tried reasoning with her before he passed away. Well, now my children don’t know any of their grandparents, great-grandparents or great-great-grandparents because of my older sister.
How can I make her see what she's done to my family?
— Hurt in Ohio
Dear Hurt: Your question is fairly common: When distributing heirlooms, one sibling ends up with the entire collection of family photos; if they don’t share them, this can create a generation – or more – of hard feelings.
This could be avoided if elders didn’t treat family photos as one item, like a passed-down chifforobe — to be left to one child. Photos should be distributed among descendants, who can then share – or trade – them with each other. That way, even if one sibling refused to show or share their stash of photos, other photos would still be out in the family.
I think it’s possible – or likely — that your sister deliberately wants to wound you and your other sisters. Could this be about you getting all the silver?
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