Ask Amy: Stressed wife might need a ’she shed’
I still love him, but I don't feel confident that our marriage or my sanity will endure. Help!
Loving Mother and Wife
Dear Loving Mother: Even though he meant it unkindly, your husband has halfway arrived at a bit of wisdom. You might not need “fixing” as much as he does, but you deserve fixing, and – of the two of you -- you are the one most likely to receive it – and to benefit from it – because you are motivated to change.
Contact the counselor you have seen previously and immediately set up a virtual appointment for an assessment. I hope you understand that many people are struggling right now … the pandemic has forced everyone into uncomfortable territory, and while this retirement phase might have been challenging in normal times, right now you are likely being denied some of the important social, friendship, and familial connections that would be helpful to you.
You should try to establish a daytime routine similar to the one you had while working, if possible. If you can’t have privacy inside your home, you should head to the porch, the garage, or another part of your large property and set up your own space where you can keep “office hours,” and work on your yoga, meditation, reading, painting, gardening – or whatever creative pursuits you want to try. Look online for “she sheds” to see if you might be able to create an actual retreat space that is yours alone. Make sure you talk to at least one friend or family member each day.
You notice I haven’t mentioned your husband…? I can’t “fix” him. You can’t, either and whatever flows from that tough reality, you should be strong and healthy, in order to face it.
Dear Amy: I am very much on the fence about attending a family reunion in another state. The news seems to be changing every day regarding whether or not it is safe to gather, and my decision about whether to go changes every day, too.
Can you weigh in?
Fence Sitter
Dear Sitter: Every time I start thinking about traveling again, I read another story about gatherings where people seem to be taking precautions, and yet somehow contract and spread the COVID virus, sometimes with tragic consequences. Ask yourself, “Is it worth the risk to possibly infect a family member?”
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