Ask Amy: Child is caught in toxic family crossfire
Poor “Danny” is in a toxic household. No adult should EVER ask a child to keep a secret from a parent; secret-keeping divides a child’s loyalty – it is also what people who exploit children ask them to do.
Danny can’t wait until he grows up to chart his own path. Given the dynamic in this household, the child will pay the price, and his path will be very rocky. Stay close to the boy.
You should not stay silent. This family desperately needs intervention, for the child’s sake.
Dear Amy: I enjoy meeting with my friends one-to-one; I just do. It's upsetting to me when arrangements are made to meet up with one friend and then I find out that she has invited others to join us.
It's not that I don't like the other people. It just changes the conversation when there are three, four or five people.
Should I seek other friends who think as I do; or is there a way to express my feelings without coming off as anti-social?
Something of a Loner
Dear Loner: You may not be a “loner” so much as an introvert, whose energy is sapped by groups of people – especially when you’re not expecting it. There is nothing “wrong” with feeling this way – it’s the way you’re built!
If you are issuing the invitation, you get to dictate the terms, so you can say: “Let’s meet up at the Corner Café – but just the two of us, OK?” If somebody else is making the plans, you can ask if others will be there. Understand that if you are meeting a friend at a bar, there is a likelihood that others may join you.
Read: “Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World that Can’t Stop Talking,” by Susan Cain (2013, Broadway Books).
Dear Amy: I really must comment on the letter "Seeking Too Much Courtesy." She wanted thanks and validation for the polite things she did over the course of her day.
We do polite and practical niceties because it's what we ought to do and who we choose to be -- not for continuous acknowledgment and/or praise of each and every thing.
Give it a Rest
Dear Rest: I completely agree.
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(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)
