Ask Amy: New dog creates new problems in the family
Confused Husband
Dear Confused: Just spit-balling here, but I’m going to take a stab at what might be going on.
When you ask, “Has the dog been fed?” This is what your wife hears: “Why haven’t YOU feed the dog?”
Her interior monologue then goes something like this: “Of course I fed the dog, because I do everything around here. I feed the kids, the other animals, you, the neighbors, my folks, my co-workers… I’m quite the feeding machine, in fact. So don’t you waltz in here and ask if I fed the dog, because you know damn well that I did. Oh, and by the way, did we really have to get a HUGE dog who, have you noticed, is an eating machine?”
Your family’s life has changed since your last dog died: A pandemic came along and forced the kids out of school and (I assume) you and your wife into an entirely different home environment. Although I have read (and seen) that the extended home-time has brought many previously less-involved men into the domestic fold, it has also tripled the work for many women. So this really is NOT a trivial issue.
Sit with your wife privately. Look into her eyes. Hold her hand. Ask her if this dog’s presence has put her over the edge. Don’t merely offer to, but (yes) DO take total responsibility for the dog’s feeding and care. Total responsibility. You will then be in charge of assigning various dog-related jobs to your three sons. Your wife’s only responsibility concerning the dog should be to pet him and to coax him off the couch.
Dear Amy: My husband is a pastor of a church. We are about to officially reopen for services after being closed for months during COVID-19.
As the pastor’s wife, my husband wants me to go to church. I don’t want to.
I see he is very careless in social distancing, especially when he runs into people from the church. They are also careless,
I tell him that they need to social distance and have no physical contact, but I always end up being the bad person.
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