Ask Amy: Parents wonder how to get teens to pitch in
Dear Exasperated: If you and your husband were consistently on the same page regarding family household responsibilities, your kids would (more or less) be on that page, too. Some parents and kids are very good at striking deals and bargains with one another. That’s not working for you, so don’t do it.
If you’ve been babying them or waiting on them and now expect them to pitch in out of gratitude – forget that. Guilt doesn’t work with most teens. They could watch you work your fingers to the bone and still wonder why you hadn’t cut the crust off of their sandwich.
Show them how to do their own laundry and post written instructions over the machines. If they don’t have any clean clothes to wear – too bad.
You and your husband should draw up a short list of weekly chores. You can ask them to each choose one to do. If they can’t agree (or refuse), then you should assign them.
If one of your kids agrees to take the trash to the curb, and you remind him (one time), and he still doesn’t do it, let it sit until next week. If he still doesn’t do it, then you should very calmly not pay for his phone or his allowance (“You forget, I forget.”).
Notice and praise them when they’ve met expectations: “That takes a lot off my plate. Thank you!”
If you’ve asked them repeatedly to clear their items out of common areas and they don’t do it – put the things they leave behind on the porch, in the garage, or outside. And leave them there. I’m talking about normal, proportional consequences. Don’t discuss, don’t bargain, don’t yell – just do it. And follow through with calm consistency and humor.
Dear Amy: I've been with my boyfriend for seven years.
I found out he cheated on me with a so-called mutual friend.
I've decided to try and forgive and forget, but it has been a year and I still can't seem to trust him.
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