Ask Amy: Boyfriend sees jealousy as a dare to cheat
Dear Upset: Given your healthy ego and your knowledge that you are God’s gift to all women, it’s a wonder that you are interested in staying in a relationship with a (still married) woman who doesn’t trust you.
Your girlfriend’s insecurities are amplified by your own sexual history. You believe that she is daring you to cheat – and you are obviously capable of fulfilling that dare – but maybe she is daring you NOT to cheat.
Jealousy is insidious. As a partner you deserve to be trusted without a tracking device.
Communication involves talking during calm moments, eye contact, positive reinforcement, and consistent actions backing up your statements.
If your girlfriend asked me, I’d say it’s probably too soon for her to bounce into a live-in relationship before she has ended and recovered from her marriage to Mr. Scumbag.
Making your current partner pay for your previous partner’s behavior is a rookie mistake – and people do this when they don’t really know who they are and what they want. A couples counselor could help.
Try reading, “The Jealousy Cure: Learn to Trust, Overcome Possessiveness, and Save Your Relationship,” by Robert Leahy and Paul Gilbert (2018, New Harbinger). The authors use tools of cognitive behavioral therapy to affect behavioral change.
Dear Amy: My niece, “Katherine,” is 25 years old. She is smart, and newly engaged to her fiancé. They’ve been together for four years.
Katherine is very materialistic. She recently took her engagement ring to be appraised because she didn't believe that her fiancé had paid $5,000 for it.
I see no trust in this marriage. What say you?
...continued
