ArcaMax

Take a breath before you take a call. Listen without commenting or interrupting. Do not tell someone to "calm down" (this sort of directive leads some people to believe that they are not being heard or understood). Your "listening posture" should be calm, affirmative, and supportive: "I can tell you're upset. I'm sorry this is happening. I know it's hard."

When appropriate, you could ask, "How can I try to help you?"

Be honest in your responses. If a problem is well beyond your function as HOA president, you should say so. If appropriate, you could also ask people to follow up with an email, in order to have a written record of their concern.

I wonder if there is another person in your community who might serve as a temporary "community ambassador." You and this person could work as a team, to keep residents informed regarding latest updates.

You do not want to become the repository of community gossip or discord, but if it helps others for you to be something of a sounding board, you would be serving an important function. Think of this as mastering a different kind of engineering.

Dear Amy: I was with my man, "Travis," for eight years. Travis was the love of my life. Our relationship ended due to his cheating and continuing in a relationship with another woman.

Sadly, Travis has found himself using drugs and living a life of crime now, so I guess breaking up was a blessing.

Recently, I found out that he is in prison. I wrote him a letter of support and also sent him a care package. I made it clear that I am coming from the perspective of friendship.

I am wondering if I am "too nice" to this guy? It really didn't end well between us. He's really never apologized, but I guess I just love him that much.

He has no family, so I just wanted to be there for him. Did I overdo it?

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