Ask Amy: Anti-vax mother-in-law worries parents
You and your husband seem to be on the same page regarding his mother, and that's key. This matter is cut and dry. It is medically imperative that your child's grandmother take what steps she can to help protect herself (and your family) against communicable illness.
As summer fades, as a couple you and your husband should both convey to her, very clearly, exactly what she needs to do in order to have close contact with your family. The consequence of her choosing not to vaccinate will also be clear: No vaccination, no close contact. You two must maintain a calm and unified front.
After that, you won't need to worry about this further. The decision to vaccinate will have been transferred to your mother-in-law. The rest will be up to her. (If she says she has been vaccinated, ask to see a receipt.)
Dear Amy: My sister seems a little too obsessed with the IQ test scores that her children have received. She also says she knows her own IQ test score - although she and I grew up in the same household and I never learned my own.
Honestly, I'm at a loss for how to respond to this. Actually, I don't even really know how to think about it. (Maybe that's evidence of my low IQ?)
-- Wondering
Dear Wondering: IQ tests have something of a dark history, with the scores used to separate, discriminate, and basically pigeonhole people into categories that determined their access to schooling and careers. On a micro level, your sister seems to be doing the same -- using these scores to compare her children to others.
A massive study in Canada gave 100,000 people access to several different intelligence tests, concluding that there was not one single test or component that could accurately judge how well a person could perform mental and cognitive tasks.
"We have shown categorically that you cannot sum up the difference between people in terms of one number," the study concluded (2012, Neuron).
Children should be encouraged to develop their skills across a variety of important metrics, with personal qualities such as character, kindness and integrity at the top of the list.
Dear Amy: "Puzzled Parents" are wondering how to interact with a friend who turned out to be a miserable boss to their daughter.
It reminded me of an uncle who got me a summer job.
He was the nicest guy, but took on a different persona on the job. I never gave it a second thought when I met with my uncle outside of work, and to this day look forward to seeing him.
-- Nephew
Dear Nephew: Family work connections are often challenging. You're a survivor.
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(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)
