ArcaMax

Dear Exhausted: Given what your son has already experienced -- and put you (and others) through -- I'm wondering what possible grounds he might have to send his parents on a guilt trip.

From the evidence you present, he actually seems to do better when he is not living in your home. He has experienced a period of sobriety, and you should keep in close touch with him and support his efforts at recovery. Emphasize that he has done this hard work before, and that he can do it again. He is not starting over; he is starting again -- this time with experience.

You should convey that no, he cannot live at home, but you may be able to help him find rental housing and connect him with local services and addiction counseling.

Ask open-ended questions. Do not overwhelm him with suggestions, or assume that you can "fix" him. Check drugfree.org for parent resources, including their phone helpline, text, and email support. Communicating with other parents in a similar situation will help to clarify your position.

Dear Amy: We've been friends with a couple for over 20 years.

Our son grew up with their son -- from elementary school through high school graduation. They played sports together and maintained a friendship.

Their son is getting married this summer, and our friends just informed us that while we are invited, our son and his wife are not -- due to cost.

Our son will be hurt knowing that we (capable of giving a generous gift) are invited, but he and his wife (scraping by while he is in school and she is teaching) are not (and they would have spent their "gifting" money on expenses for attending the wedding -- had they been invited).

Are we out of line to think that this is just bonkers?

The groom would much rather have his buddy (my son) and his wife at his wedding than us. We thought that this was weird.

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