Ask Amy: College student learns equation: growth equals change
Is your fiancé sorry? Other than defensively stating that he hasn't slept with this other woman, has he explained why he did this? Has he done this before? Does he not consider this cheating?
You need to try very hard -- for now -- to put wedding thoughts and wedding talks on hold for at least two weeks, while you two talk about this. If you are having clergy perform your ceremony, you two could seek to meet with them in order to air your concerns.
Only you can decide if this is a true dealbreaker for you, and your decision will be based on the confrontations and conversations that flow from this episode. If it is a dealbreaker, then losing this money will (honestly!) be the best money you've ever spent.
I highly recommend reading: "Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most," by Douglas Patton, Bruce Stone, and Sheila Heen (2010, Penguin Books).
Dear Amy: "Frustrated Mom" does not understand why her mother does not want to babysit her grandson one day a week.
Your answer was perfect. This grandmother is done raising children. The daughter needs to grow up.
-- D
Dear D: This grandmother was willing to babysit, but not on the schedule that her daughter insisted upon. Response to my answer has been mixed, but I thank you.
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(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)
