Ask Amy: Transgender people say, "Call me by my name"
I'm happy to call you by your name.
Dear Amy: I had tears running down my cheeks while reading the letter from "Embarrassed," a college sophomore and transgender man.
My transgender daughter came home for Thanksgiving and came out to me.
I am not living her life, so I have no idea what she is going through, but she is happy. And that is all I want for her. Help me please, because I keep messing up. I keep referring to her using the pronoun "he" instead of "she."
It just flies from my mouth, as it has for 22 years.
I want to kick myself because I know it upsets her. I am trying to train myself to use the correct pronoun, but I find myself avoiding conversation because I see the pain in her face when I get things wrong.
I am so proud of her. I love her and I want to use the right pronoun. My other children correct me, and I appreciate that, but I feel so ignorant.
Can you help me to use the correct pronoun?
-- Embarrassed Mom
Dear Mom: You just used the correct pronoun -- all the way through your question.
Don't avoid communicating. Ask your daughter to be patient with you.
While she is away at school, look at her picture, follow her on social media (if possible), practice seeing her in this new way, and continue to love her -- just as she is.
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(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)
