Ask Amy: Transgender people say, "Call me by my name"
I came out to my parents. Cut my hair short. Began looking and dressing how I wanted. I look like the young man that I am.
During my visits home, my parents have persisted in introducing me to others by my "dead" name -- the female name I had growing up.
I don't think cisgender people can really understand what it feels like to be called the wrong name. I wouldn't wish this feeling on anyone.
Your advice was to face the issue with compassion and humor. You explained that my parents were also going through a transition, but because they didn't live in my body, they were experiencing it differently than I was.
This made visiting home for Christmas easier. I could laugh it off, which made other people laugh, and ultimately avoided that awkwardness of correcting people. My go-to phrase now is: "I'm a man, just a soprano."
The confidence and kindness I've been able to exude has helped to ease the tension.
When you're trans, some people seem to act as though you are both the killer and the slain. Helping my family to understand that I have not killed their daughter and sister is one of the hardest things I have to do. But armed with resources, humor and love, they're slowly starting to realize that their son and brother has always been here -- he was just wearing the wrong sweater.
-- Justin
Dear Justin: Your original question touched me deeply; your generous and helpful response touches me even more.
Your parents did a very good job. They raised a kind, brave and resilient son.
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